


futile devices

by meowcosm



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Commitment, Crying, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Sappiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23307439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowcosm/pseuds/meowcosm
Summary: and I would say I love youbut saying it out loud is hardso I won't say it at alland I won't stay very long-Dimitri has something to tell Dedue. He doesn't expect him to take it very well.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 6
Kudos: 102





	futile devices

It was, even if all signs pointed to it, hard for Dimitri to believe that the world was fine once more. That he and his compatriots were no longer waylaid by Imperial troops, that the chance of him waking up in the morning had grown to one of almost certainty. That in spite of everything, the Goddess had provided for him. 

How strange it was that he was standing in the greenhouse, the warm and humid air rendering the skin underneath his autumn-suited clothes sticky and writhing, waiting for the early-morning swinging open of the doors. Each second, the thrumming of his heart came faster. He felt positively febrile. 

Though, it was hardly much different from how he usually felt about Dedue; even if he had only recently come to accept that fact. If waiting for him was an anxious matter, being with him was very much the same, albeit for perhaps more pleasant reasons. 

Dimitri clenched his hands, and faced the entryway more decisively. He practiced a veneer of confidence, felt the muscles work in his face. Lips warped into an even-bodied smile, eyebrows conveyed non-aggression and conviviality. 

And his heart twitched, full and heady with unspeakable emotions. 

It was not to be long before Dedue entered. At the end of the war, Dimitri had taken to memorizing every schedule born out throughout the day, and so he knew. Knew, even if it didn’t help his blood pump calmer through his veins as he waited. So when he did, Dimitri was already looking down at him. Trying to project the immaterial confidence he needed for what was to be said between them.

“Good morning, Dedue.” 

“And to you, Dimitri.”

There they were. The strange few syllables which, when spoken in the sweetness of Dedue’s ever-measured, even tone, never ceased to excite Dimitri. Still, he compelled himself to restrain his smile. He was to show nought but composure. 

“I apologize for interrupting your morning routine unexpectedly.” Dimitri tried to enunciate his words as best as he could. With so much held back, it was hard to not trip, to not fall unexpectedly. Regardless of whether Dedue picked up on the deliberation in his town, Dimitri felt gratified by his solemn, empathetic nod in response. 

“Nonsense. You are welcome to come and go as you please.” With that, Dedue ducked his head down, and walked close to where Dimitri stood. Then past him, before he could say much to deter him. Stood where a collection of implements were accumulated, organized in the neat and comprehensive fashion which Dimitri had always recognized as Dedue’s handiwork. Noting that one of the rakes was beginning to rust rather severely, Dimitri tucked away a mental note to request a replacement as soon as he could. 

At that moment, he was almost tempted to let his words go unspoken. To stand there, to savour what he could of Dedue’s company, and leave. As if he had visited the greenhouse as nothing more than a break from his routine, in which he had simply ran into Dedue.

But he was not here for that. Even if he wished he could be- basking in Dedue’s simple presence for the rest of his life, unburdened and always willing to assist. He was here to bring an end to those silly, selfish feelings he had for his vassal.

“Dedue.” Dimitri stammered. 

He was going to be rejected, and that was okay. Perhaps it was more than okay. It could be for the best.

Dedue turned to him from where he stood, where had been surveying what was necessary for the day’s tasks. Dimitri’s eyes, scared of meeting Dedue’s gaze, drifted down to where his hand hovered over a small iron hovel. He felt within him another pang of guilt, to have caused such a disruption for Dedue. 

“Yes, Dimitri?” Dedue replied, tone bordering on quizzical. Instinctively, Dimitri began to rub his hands together, coating them both with the slickness of his perspiration. 

“Forgive me for my intrusion,” Dimitri begun, “but I have come here to talk to you.”

The look Dedue gave him after he said that was quite clear to Dimitri. It meant-  _ we are already talking. Say what you need to say _ . 

A still, awkward cough forced its way out of Dimitri’s lungs. 

“I assure you everything is quite alright.” he continued. “But it is best for the both of us if these things are discussed in private. So that it is clear I will make no attempt to influence you on the matter.”

“Please,” interjected Dedue, “I am unsure as to what you refer.”

“Right.” Dimitri had spent much of the last week dwelling on his-  _ confession _ , was perhaps the best word for it, even if it felt insufficient. It had been an easy path to walk, now that he and Dedue were amongst the sole remaining inhabitants of Garreg Mach, having not departed back to Fhirdiad, not fully. When these things consumed his mind through every step he took, through every breath he was fortunate enough to take, it was often quite difficult to envision a world where nobody else was thinking of what he was. It had been a barrier in recovering from his hallucinations, and Dimitri felt quite silly that it continued to intercede with his life. “I came to discuss the future.”

Dedue’s hand withdrew from the tool holsters, and he turned more fully to face Dimitri. Their faces almost locked, Dimitri felt his heart rate increase rapidly once more. 

  
“Dedue.” Dimitri almost trembled with the weight of the name on his tongue. “I wish to release you from your service.” A feeble glance into Dedue’s sea-green eyes, which widened in shock, confirmed to Dimitri how rapturous this was for the both of them. 

“I.. do not understand.” 

“Please, then. Let me explain.” 

Dedue fell silent. Even with the lead weight on his tongue, Dimitri tried his best to speak once more. 

“You have done nothing to transgress against me. Quite the opposite, in fact. You are an excellent person, Dedue. Far more excellent than me, or anyone else I have ever known. And you- you deserve to be free.” Now, a sob clawed at Dimitri’s throat. He pushed it back, trying to remain coherent. “I wish to no longer drag you through the mud with me.”

“Dimitri-”

“I hope you understand.”

Dedue shook his head again. “I do not. I am not entirely sure why you assume that I have not made a conscious choice to remain by your side.”

“Because you speak so often of obligation.”

“Spoke, Dimitri.” Dedue’s voice was calm, still, but with an edge of suppressed pain. Dimitri recognized it- the stillness in the voice of someone dying from a wound that had not been immediately fatal. “What is obligation and what is desire has… admittedly, been blurred. But what has tethered us previously is not as present as it was.”

“Yes, and-”

“Dimitri. Listen. I will not stop you from doing what you wish. But if there is a part of you that regrets this, even as you do it, then. Please. Listen to me.”

All of a sudden, it was as if much of the scaffolding inside of Dimitri collapsed. What held him together fell down, without warning, and he collapsed to his knees. Looked up at Dedue, pain in his one good eye, a tremble wracking his lips. 

“I do not wish for it.” His sobbing was wet, and Dedue almost took to his own knees, only for Dimitri to raise his hand in deterrence. “But, I- there is. Something else.”

“Dimitri?”

Another strangled sob wrenched itself from Dimitri’s mouth. He was hardly sure how he had not predicted this outcome, regardless of his previous composure.

Voice shaking, still trembling, Dimitri tried to speak as clear as he could.

“I love you, Dedue.” Wet, violent tears spilled from the corner of his eye. “And to feel such selfish things for you- I wish not for you to feel bound for them. Please, Dedue.” On his knees like this, Dimitri felt compelled to repeat Dedue’s name, as if some imperceptible force could pluck at his vocal chords like the string of a lyre. “Dedue. Oh, Dedue.”

Dimitri had told himself- he had told everyone- that the Goddess had provided for his victory. But, in truth, it had been Dedue. Who he would prostrate himself in front of, even in the aching futility of the words he spoke. 

He closed his eyes, blinking away tears. 

When he reopened them, they met Dedue’s once again, this time on equal level. Dedue’s closeness, the warmth of his presence- it made Dimitri shudder and ache, as if he were a worn and tired ladder, only now realizing the strain of its continued use.

“Please, Dimitri.” More warmth, more kindness. Dimitri’s voice was hoarse, now, but his mind still chanted, over and over again. 

Dedue. 

“Do not treat yourself this way. You are- worked up.” A lone, strong hand brushed its way through Dimitri’s soft blonde hair. Traced it, felt how it had loosened and grown more beautiful after it was cared for. “It is not necessary.”

“H-how terrible of me.” Dimitri stammered. “To want you, after everything. You should walk whichever path you see fit.” 

“And, if that was to be a path running alongside yours?”

“Then,” Dimitri rasped, “I would not claim to understand you. After what I have told you.”

“Clearly, we are struggling to understand each other.” A moment passed, and Dedue spoke again. “Tell me what you want, Dimitri.” 

“I wish for you to live for yourself. You are wonderful, Dedue. And I- I am full of foolish, foolish feelings for you. The type which are best avoided.”

“And if I told you that my decision was to live by your side?” 

Dimitri felt suddenly very cognizant of the cold ground underneath. Of how the dirt mingled between his fingers, how different it was from Dedue’s warm breath. 

“Ah. I did not factor in such a thing.” Another shudder wracked Dimitri’s body. “I believed that my feelings would disgust you. To want you-”

“I want you. I lack the words for it.” 

More hot breath on Dimitri’s forehead, sweet and familiar. 

“But I want you, as much as you want me. Dimitri.” 

A gentle, hesitating touch on Dimitri’s cheek stilled his shaking body. Dimitri felt suddenly so- pliable, as if he was meant to be touched like this. As if he was created to be held by Dedue, and to return such gentle favours as thoroughly as he could. It was as if his whole body was going slack, held upright and away from the stone floor by the sheer tenacity of Dedue’s love.

“Dedue.”

“Dimitri.”

Without much thought, if any, their mouths met, as surely and as eagerly as the sun rose and set in the sky. His tongue slipping into Dedue’s mouth, a divine ordination- Dimitri still could not understand what allowed them to open each other like this. 

But, stars, how he knew he would never be able to give it up.


End file.
